Hard Truth from a Good God

* (This was written in November 2019,  months before most of us had even heard of the current virus sweeping the globe  and published now in hopes that it will be an encouragement to someone.) 



Daily headlines of sadness and atrocities are enough to tempt anyone to question God’s goodness. Add to that extreme personal losses, and the notion of a “good God”can feel like a cruel joke.

This forces the eternal question: why does God allow pain and suffering? 

Although sometimes there are obvious consequential patterns to hardship, when there are not we find ourselves like “Job’s counselors” trying to explain tragedy.

In an effort to make sense of suffering some try to find reasons “down the road” that will supposedly redeem the pain. Hopeful salve is applied to wounds with “see God knew…” And God does know and thankfully does redeem, giving “beauty for ashes and joy for mourning” (Is.61:3). Yet too often the rationalization isn’t enough and so can feel like so much salt in open wounds.

Still yet others, with tender, empathetic hearts are tempted to massage God’s character when facing suffering. Recently in a popular magazine a Christian woman said that she had learned to “forgive God” for the suffering in her life. In context I think I understood that she wasn’t trying to say that God had done anything wrong (as much as her actual words sounded that way) but rather that she needed to let go of expecting an explanation from God about why He had allowed these hard things in her life.

So if not those responses, what should our response to suffering be?

Inherent in that very question is the idea of why does suffering even exist? Isn't God supposed to be good? And if so why isn't He being good to me right now?

Does God even want to be good to me?

Its something that - if we're honest - many of us think. Some understanding may come in many of the parables where Jesus used the context of vineyards to explain the Kingdom of God. (Whenever we see the words - “the kingdom of God is like” - we should lean in hard!)

These common themes of God’s sovereignty and our submission to His will are shown through interactions between vineyard owners and their workers. Yet it is our very acceptance of these truths that may actually intensify the real issue we have with God allowing hardship in our lives.

We know He is in control. We know we are not. He knows what’s going on. He loves us. He could stop things or cause “better” things to happen. He has both the authority and the ability. He often seems to not have the desire. Ouch.

What to do with that? Stay with me, please.

One such "vineyard parable" in Matthew’s Gospel account (Ch.25:14-30) reveals more of a hint to understanding suffering. The “Parable of the Talents” tells of workers given varying amounts of their employer’s money to invest in his absence. Upon his return he commends each for their management of his money. The worker who received the least had simply buried it and then returned his master’s money with no interest gained.

He explained his inaction saying, “Lord, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you have not sown, and gathering where you have not scattered seed.”. This master responded by punishing his servant severely, having him thrown “out into utter darkness”. Simply because he hadn’t made a profit for his master? Hardly. But think, who sets the standard of what is “good”?

It wasn’t for his actions alone that this servant was punished. (Our actions always reveal our hearts.) Rather it was because this servant called his master “hard” (skléros in Greek, where we get ostiosclerosis, hardening of the bones). But is it truly “hard” for a Master to do what he wants with what is his? Or is that not simply the very definition of Master, or more common to our age - owner? The owner had simply asked his employee to do something that was usual and able to be done and when it wasn't done, the employee blamed the owner.

In another parable (Matthew Ch. 20:1-16) workers hired at different times of the day all received the same pay, despite how long they worked. When challenged, the owner responded “I am doing you no wrong.”, explaining “Is it not lawful for me to do what I wish with my own things? Or is your eye evil because I am good?’” (Some translations say “Do you wish to call evil the good I am doing?”) Yet the vineyard workers that worked all day and got the same wage as those who worked much less thought it was anything but good.

They thought their master was being unfair, unjust, and possibly even unkind and cruel. And sometimes so do we, if we’re honest.

If God is good, why isn’t He good to me? And how am I supposed to deal with that?

So is God good? Or more specifically, is He good to me?

What do I truly believe? 

Sometimes I look at circumstances, and begin to think - “God, you are hard. Because what you have given me is not good.”, (or fair, or right, or…you fill in the blank).

So it’s understandable why the woman in the magazine article said she was learning to “forgive God”, (again, hopefully meaning “let go of expectations of explanations from God”). I agree that there is something to let go of, but if it is not (obviously) some shortcoming from God, what it
is?

There’s a hint in the question from the parable where the master said to his servant - “Or is your eye evil because I am good?” The “evil eye” was a reference to jealousy or greed. The master (God) is essentially saying, “Don’t think that I am not good, just because you want something different than I have given you.”

Remember that these servants had been given what they agreed to, and all had been given a full day’s wage. What was not good about that? Apparently, because they wanted more.

Is that so bad? Yes, when it means that the servant’s estimation of “good” has replaced that of the one they call master.

Yet God’s goodness is firmly established. From the very beginning of life creation shows all that God did was good. Even before that the gospel sprung from God’s heart of love with His justice and His goodness - “For God so loved the world…” (Jn. 3:16) . We read that “every good and perfect gift”
(James 1:17) comes from God and that “no good thing will He withhold from those who walk uprightly” (Ps. 84:11), and on and on. God's goodness flows from not only every page of His Word but, if we take the time to notice, from every page of History.

And still, how often do I either act or react because, like the servant, I’m afraid, because somewhere in my heart I think that God is “hard”? If I honestly look at what I do (or don’t do) in life, would I discover that I truly don’t believe that God is good?

Listen to how we sometimes unfortunately speak to each other. “Be careful what you ask for, you may get it!” As if God is somehow sadistic just waiting for us to ask for something that will not be good for us. I’ve even said the oft repeated “Do you know how to make God laugh? Tell Him your plans.” Although it’s all meant in humor, what parent would laugh in the face of their children’s heartfelt and hoped for plans?

“Yes”, you say, “but often what looks good to God does not feel good to me at all!” Death, horrible illnesses, assault and abuse…all of this God allows. How can He then be good? At the awful risk of sounding cruelly insensitive to pain, the question that is the plumb line in facing hardship has to be - who sets the standard, God or me? Who gets to decide what is good?

If it is God, then is it ok to let God know that we are not happy with what He has determined to be good for us? Or that we don’t understand it? Of course! The Psalms are filled with David questioning God’s logic in allowing good people to suffer and evil men to prosper, etc. Even the original archetype of suffering, Job also questioned God regarding the suffering he endured.

So questioning God is not sacrilege, but calling God anything but good is. This is why the servant who called his master “hard” was so harshly punished. To call good evil is blasphemy defined.

Knowing good from evil

So why do we question God’s goodness?
When Job questioned, God answered with Himself. But often, rather than letting God Himself be our answer there is a hunger to find other more seemingly manageable answers. And at the root of those “other answers” is this lie: “I think I have a right to understand what God does, especially about hardship”. Essentially, this is striving to “know good from evil” and therefore “be as God”.

Satan knew from the beginning that this was a good temptation because, like every lie, it touches on a truth - our deep connectedness with God. After all, we have been made in God’s very image! He calls us His children, He love us so dearly. He invites us to share every part of our hearts and lives with Him. So, sometimes we can actually forget that He is, in fact, completely “other” than us.

In so many ways we are thankful that God is not like us. We rejoice in His unconditional love, in His long-suffering and patience, and so many of His other overflowing attributes that humanity lacks. But with the issue of pain and hardship so often we are tempted to expect God to fit in a human-sized box of reasoning, explanations and communication.

But not only are “His ways not our ways” (Is. 55:8-9), He is in no way obligated to explain them to us. As the disciples said to a similarly hard truth - “truly this is a hard saying, who can receive it.” (Jn. 6:60)

The classic devotional writer Oswald Chambers possibly said it best - “If you have not heard a hard word from God I question whether you have truly heard from God at all.” God gives hard words, but He is not hard. God is love, and whether we understand or not, all his “hard” words come from a heart of love and perfect knowledge and understanding, such as we cannot fathom.

So what is the answer? 
In the midst of hardship such as few of us will ever know, Job said of God, “Though he slay me, I will hope in him;” going on to also say “yet I will argue my ways to his face.”
(Job 13:5)

Job knew God’s goodness so well that he knew it could withstand even his arguments. God’s goodness was greater than any explanation or answer Job could have hoped for regarding his suffering.

So although they are troubling, the greatest enemies of the truth of God’s goodness is not the half-truths we concoct to try and make sense of hard things. Nor is it simply gritting our teeth and bearing it when tragedy strikes. Both of these responses to suffering stand in opposition to the perfect goodness of God, but they are not the greatest enemy of the truth that God is good.

No, our one True Enemy is the same one since the garden, the Original Enemy that cast the firsts shadows on God’s goodness and introduced doubt and deception from which these lesser enemies then took root and have grown.

Thankfully, the same weapon that defeated the serpent then can defeat him now in the midst of your pain and suffering - God’s appearing.  Emmanuel, God with us. Jesus.

In each moment, just as with Adam and Eve, just as on the cross of Calvary, God seeks us out armed with loving sacrifice to cleanse and restore - not only belief in His goodness overall, but the actual reality of God’s goodness in your individual life. God wants to show you His goodness in the midst of your suffering today.

This is the purpose of His Word, the reason why He sent His Son and the practice of His Spirit given freely to all who ask: that we would know His goodness being saved from our sins, by His redeeming love and holy Truth, and be transformed and made whole. 

Because even if you have all correct biblical knowledge of the goodness of God it would do little to convince you of the truth of His goodness without His life-giving presence invading your suffering.

Lean into the sometimes hard truths of both His goodness - that defies understanding - as well as His complete and utter right to our total submission. His ways are not our ways, and yet, He is good. And He loves you so.

Far From Home...

"Wherever you are, be fully there".
Jim Elliot

Great words, right? But if "home is where the heart is" now and then some things make it painfully obvious that our hearts and our homes are divided. Or is it just me?

When I first decided to move to Ukraine I asked a dear American friend (who already had lived here a few years) how he dealt with living between two worlds.

"How - when you're in America - do you not feel guilty with all the abundance that we enjoy knowing that so many of your friends in Ukraine are in need?", I asked. (Even after just a couple of trips to Ukraine I could see ahead that this would tear at my heart.) "And how - when you're back in Ukraine - do you not feel jealous for all that excess that seems taken for granted in America?"

Not pretty - the thoughts of my heart - are they? I'm not proud of them, but I also doubt I am the only one that has lived in between two worlds that hasn't thought these things. And knowing the blackness of my soul, I knew I would struggle with these questions. (And I don't live in India, or Africa or elsewhere in the world where basic clean water is not even available!)

"You pretty much can't really think about one when you are in the other", was my friend's advice. Enjoy blessings when you have them and be happy for the blessings of others even when you don't have them, is what I've taken his advice to mean. Add to that - be thoughtful in how you live in order to bless others - and it's a good way to live. Comparing is such a slippery evil slope.

But then - worlds collide. ;)

Little 8 year old Yanna from Kyrgyzstan comes to have surgery in Ukraine because the medical system is so much better here than there. But still the days are filled with running to the drugstore every day to get her medicines, buy food to cook for her and bringing in a fan to combat the sweltering humid summer heat. (I helped somewhat, but really it was mainly Yanna's aunt with some help from girls from our church that carried the load). Here you bring your own soap, towels, sheets, toilet paper, etc. etc.  Yanna's aunt Anya squeezed into the same hospital bed with Yanna to stay there to be able to cook for her and be company before the surgery. And then sleeping on a rollaway (or in the chair!) after the surgery to help feed her and turn her when she hurt (Yanna had back surgery to combat spina bifida) and give her medicine as needed, even eventually having to learn to place the catheter. After Yanna's surgery she couldn't walk, so if they went outside Anya carried Yanna outside to sit on a bench if the beat-up child's stroller they used as a wheelchair wasn't available. And on and on.

Then my mom has a stroke back home in Oregon. I show up late at night to the hospital after a really long flight and a crazy overnight layover in the Moscow airport. The nurses help me make out the couch bed in mom's rom, get me sheets and a pillow, show me where the coffee maker is and fridge stocked with juice, pudding, etc. is and repeatedly ask "you're sure you don't need anything else"? There are 3 or 4 nurses that are openly Christians and are encouraging with words of Scripture, etc. (even one playing the piano and singing praise songs with me!) and all the others who are all equally kind. After two brain surgeries things were tough with mom...emotionally, physically, etc. But regularly nurses would come in to check her vitals, administer her meds, or just see how she was doing. World's collide.

Yes we pay through the nose for that kind of care in America. And yes not even everyone can afford it. And yes my mom's hospital is a particularly nice one. And in Ukraine there are capable nurses and doctors who give good care even if they don't have all the trimming that are standard in America. I'm not criticizing or complaining. It's not about that...those issues are all important, but other posts for another time or even another writer.

I'm just saying...world's collide. A young American on a short trip here tells me I lack compassion. Maybe so. A dear person in America tells me I'm ungrateful. Maybe so. You know how they say "the best offense is a good defense"? I've decided the best defense is no defense. ;) "I am what I am by the grace of God" and - thank God - I know He doesn't let me stay in one place for long so all these defects will be addressed in His time. :) All I know is that life is not as neat as some would like and sometimes...well..you guessed it...worlds collide.

Sometimes, thankfully, worlds collide in beautifully serendipitous ways, too. :)

A hard day, my back in real pain for days, caught in traffic on my way to the post office over an hour away from where I live (which is just across the city!), I'm told I'm at the wrong post office. :( Argh. Get to the "right" post office and pay to pick up a package (a couple of dollars only) sent from someone whose name draws a complete blank for me. BUT..I see the name of my hometown on the return address and soften a little. I open up the package to find...what I can only call "a hug from home". A copy of the Grants Pass Daily Courier (our local town's little daily newspaper that I used to deliver!), mint chocolates (a combination not found here, as far as I know) all the fixins for S'mores and MAGAZINES IN ENGLISH!!! :) It was a care-package from folks in Calvary Church in GP. I nearly cried. :) Not because any of those things are necessary to life. They're not. And not because life is so hard here. It's not. I love it here. I have amazing friends. A beautiful home and even a car (after years of public transport). My days are filled with the joys and heartaches of helping people finding their way in this world and I couldn't be more fulfilled. It was just....worlds colliding. Ya know?

And then today...awesome sermon in church today...in Ukrainian. ;) I speak Russian and although I understand Ukrainian to a great extent it is still an exercise in concentrated listening to get the most out of my pastor's sermons. After church my absentee ballot from America is in my mailbox (!) and I enjoy a quiet lunch of tuna sandwiches and salad (ok, fried potatoes, too! I do still live in Ukraine! ha!) with Vica - the latest girl to live here at our transition home. The day before dear friends from a sister church came for a baby shower. It was a raucous, LOUD, totally fun group of young families with their kids (LOTS OF KIDS) whom - it seems to me - only yesterday those parents were the kids! Great! Tiring (I'm getting old!), but great! The day before a young Ukrainian couple - the pastor and his wife - came and stayed overnight. We stayed up late talking - alternately in Russian, English and both at once! - about life, and making ends meet and the mystery of people and God and life. And then tonight catching up on laundry and emails and what-not watching "Walk the Line" (the Johnny Cash story) with Vica....in Russian, of course. ;) Good thing they didn't translate the songs, though. :) World's collide...but sometimes in the nicest, craziest cacophony-of-cultures way.

Anyway...my dear friend Lori used to call me "her all or nothing friend" and here I am - the "anti-blog Queen" again proving that to be true. No posts forEVER and then this epic saga. Oh well... :)

So what's my point? "Wherever you are, be fully there"....so where are you? Where am I? I am not in Grants Pass with my dear mom as she continues to recover (but my beautiful sister Janice is, and her wonderful daughter Caitlin was, and my brothers Mark and Matt are not far away, and as ever our great dad is there - and God willing I will be again soon...we are blessed), my heart and my prayers are there. I am not in America facing the struggles that many of you are with the current economic and social issues, but I got my ballot and pray that God will give me wisdom for my vote to be there. I am here in Ukraine, but not being Ukrainian, not having grown up here and endured through the hardships and victories that has made Ukraine into the nation it is today, even if my body is here till it lies in the grave I can never expect to ever be "fully" here feeling and understanding everything as those who were born and raised here.

So where am I? "In Your presence oh LORD, is fullness of joy, and at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore". (Psalm 16:11) Aaaahhhhhhh.... if I were my cat right now I'd be purring with  my eyes closed. Where am I? With God, I pray. He's my home, my love, my life. What can I lose if all is in Him? What is the tragedy of my life but only to lose Him? Still, my body is here. And I lose sight of the reality of God SO often, but He is so faithful to woo me back, take me by the hand and invite me to turn down the noise, listen to the music and dance again. Mmmmmmmmm.....

So, I need compassion. ("Everyone needs compassion"...or so I hear.) ;) I need to be more grateful. I want to be there, but I am here. I am happy to be here, but my heart and thoughts are there. Where am I? Safe in His embrace. Lost in His arms. Holding on and being held onto. And I wanna be "fully there" each time worlds collide.

Just some thoughts I had tonight.... Love you all, dear friends and family. :)

Abandoned

So, these kinds of things always happen to me. :)

I had just gotten out of my car to take a picture of a sailboat that had run aground on the beach in Santa Barbara. I don't know what happened, but because the area was having some of the worst storms in quite some time, it wasn't too much of a surprise. The streets were littered with huge palm branches that had been blown free from their towering trees. Streets and lawns were flooded and everything in this celebrity locale known for keeping up appearances was quite out of sorts.

There was an ambulance at the ready (not that I saw that anyone had needed it) and many other "Lookey-Lous" like myself taking pictures and taking in the sight. It was quite impressive. Here was this beautiful, lithe boat stopped, stuck in the sand, just sitting there like the subject of a painting by one of the great masters. But, and I know this is silly, because it was still upright, it almost seemed as if it was letting itself be pummeled by the waves. It seemed that at whatever moment it might choose it could simply pull away from the shore and sail confidently back out to sea. Of course this wasn't to be, but that was the feeling I had, something of grace and dignity about this tragic event.

As I stood there (this is the part that seems to always happen to me) a woman shuffled by swathed in one green army blanket and carrying another one over her arm. She mumbled something and I said "Excuse me? What?" (which I suppose probably explains the reason why these things always seem to happen to me.) She came closer and at first I thought she might be homeless. I couldn't really see her clothes under the blanket, but she wore new looking soft suede deck-shoes. (The shoes usually are the clue). Homeless or just California eccentric? Who knows. Here in Santa Barbara, where "artists" of all types abound and homeless folks once registered to vote using a huge historic tree near the train tracks as their address, anything is possible.

She walked on past me and then abruptly turned around and - with one hand half-covering her mouth and the other still clutching her blanket - she started in.

"This! All...this!" she proclaimed with a wide expansive wave of her hand, blanket still in hand. "So, so, so much....things, and material, and, so much, just material stuff. And you know, just abandonment. Abandonment! Just abandon it all to, to, to the ruler, the ultimate ruler, the ruler of everything, and just abandon, just abandon to Jesus".

She was on a roll. She went on to say that maybe the owner of the boat, "maybe he was in counseling, and maybe his counselor told him to just, you know, let go. And he just, you know, let go." And on and on.

Then, just as abruptly, she stopped, slapped her free hand over her mouth and - sort of smiling, sort of sheepish - she said "but then, maybe YOU are the owner! Maybe that's your boat! Oh no. Oh no. Oh no." But she was smiling and even laughed a little. It was actually cute.

"Oh no. I'm with you all the way" I quickly added. "Sad, what happened. But I get your point - abandon yourself to God".

With that, she shrugged her shoulders, palms upraised, turn and walked away. And I took a few more pictures. This kind of stuff always happens to me.

"God waits to be gracious to you..." Isaiah 30:18

Aaaaaaaaahhhhh....is this beautiful, or what? Thank God for His creation! :)

So, long time no blog. :) Sorry for the absence. Right now I am visiting my church family and friends in CA (hence the beautiful sunset at Shell Beach). Most of you know that I recently had surgery to have my thyroid removed. The good news (that most of you know, too) is that the pathology revealed no cancer (as was thought there might be)! That was truly good news. And God has provided for all my bills to be paid! The hospital wrote off their bill and then part of the Body of Christ (who didn't specifically request to be anonymous, but who I think would like it that way) transferred some money from "God's right pocket to His left" (as a friend of mine calls it when one of God's children helps out another of His children...cuz it's all His money anyway!) and paid off the surgeon's bill and the endochronologist. God is good. The whole process was a long and amazing story of God's care and provision for me, but I will have to leave that for another time.

English Club in Bishkek

English Club in Bishkek...I will miss you all!

There was a cafe right across the street from where our church met that wasn't open on Sundays, but whose owner agreed to open up for us for English Club. We didn't have to pay rent, just order pizza and drinks up to an agreed upon amount.

These folks were some of the high points of my time in Bishkek and I will really miss you! This isn't our whole group. We met on Fridays and Sundays and I pray I can see some of you guys again. Please write! :)

Kyrgyzstan Independence Day

August 31 is Independence Day for Kyrgyzstan.


18 years of Independence - Congratulations, Kyrgyzstan!
















It was easy to comfortable being the "tourist" and taking photos today, since everyone was doing the same!












It's funny to me to see what a holiday day out in the city with the family looks like here, as compared to other countries. There were boxes of bannanas everywhere (and my personal favorite bannana/cotton candy/pinwheel cart that is in the far background of this photo and has been in another blog of mine from last year). Can you just hear it? "Ah, why not? It's a holiday! Let's buy a banana!"



I so love the children here. They are amazing. I suppose children everywhere are, but these have stolen my heart. These two girls were cutting loose to someone's karaoke performance,











while this other little princess was waiting her turn to take her picture in front of the Independence Day displays.

Next blog will be our church conference that we had in Issyk Kyul this past weekend. It was awesome!

...in Kyiv, too

This is a cool graffiti shot I took in Kyiv right before I left for Bishkek this summer.

The walls have ears...

and eyes...and teeth!





The region I have been staying in here in Bishkek seems to sport some pretty talented graffiti artists.















These are on the canal walls near our apartment.

Ala Archak

Even though Bishkek is usually unbearably hot in August, in just about 20 minutes by car you can be at the base of the mountains here that still have snow on their peaks. A bunch of us did just that recently. We went to Ala Archak to walk and enjoy "the nature". Unfortunately it was rainy and cold so fog covered the tops of the peaks. Still, it was beautiful and a nice break from the heat in the city.

"Guarantees the nature time"

I am definitely a word-nerd. My obsession with words is a force for good (when I work editing translated materials) or evil (in conversations with friends when I get all....controlling....and get hung up on specific words). But the best part about being a word-nerd living in a foreign country is reading all the English (on signs, products, etc.) that is translated text from another language (Russian, Ukrainian, Chinese, Kyrgiz, etc.).

So...red miso. I was looking for red miso. Soy bean paste (as far as I know) that is yummy, healthy, etc. and you can add to soups, stir-fry, etc. Tracy and I were on a reconnaissance mission at this place that can only be called a Chinese Home Depot Complex. It is 3 huge buildings filled with furniture, home repair and remodel supplies, AND (the best part) chinese "stuff"... plastic storage things (baskets, boxes, etc.) dishes, teapots, etc. It's like Pic - N - Save on steroids (for those of you that remember that store).

So apparantly miso is Japanese, so the sellers here weren't really sure what I wanted, but assued me that this packet was close enough. I was glad to discover that the label on the back was actually in English! Or so I thought. Here are some of the highlights of what I read (and tried to understand):

• "This product fine ferments take the degreasing soybean as the main rawmaterial becomes, luster red brown sauce fragrance thick, sticks thicklymoderate, flavor tasty, the nutrition is rich, is the family commonly used regulator taste high quality goods."

• But my favorite is from the "Edible method" information. "Operates the bag to be direct edible, or adds the meat, the egg, theseafood expolodes the system, also may serve as the cooking, the coldfood in sauce. Guarantees the nature time: 12 months. Production date: Sees the seal."

So, the English is "good so not", but the homemade Chinese and Kyrgyz food that these girls were selling in the building supply section was excellent! Aaaahhhh, the unexpected joys for a word-nerd abroad. :)

VBS, Bishkek style: The art of jimmy rigging :)

Summer = VBS (Vacation Bible School). :)


And if you've ever helped out with VBS anywhere in the world, you know it's a lot of work! It's especially a lot of work if it is in a foreign country and the location (church grounds or whatever) are not your own, but someplace where you rent.








But we had our fearless leader, Tracy, and so our first day went great!

(Here she is with the "framework" of our make-shift tent...just wait to see how it was transformed!)





It was not without a few hiccups (and not because it was cold! ha! Sorry, local joke), but I'm so amazed at how much fun the kids had and how well it all really went! And that's the point, right? For the kids to hear about Jesus and HAVE FUN! :)


So when the borrowed tent didn't have all the pieces, David just hung it over the "jungle gym".




The theme of camp is the Old Testament Tabernacle, looking at the areas of worship there and corresponding with Jesus' fullfillment of them in the New Testament.



So, with a few scarves and benches inside, some major "jimmy-rigging" outside, 'voila'! Not exactly the tapestries of the original tabernacle, but we liked it! :)





We had our Bible lessons, singing and memory verse lessons here in the tent.

So even if we didn't have the snazziest set-up, we thought it was pretty cool. :)









(This is our "over-head projector" for the words of the songs! Way to go, Nadia!) :)


















We made papier mache "brazen lavers" that we will spray paint tomorrow and add our memory verses.












Then we "made" the altar for our "tabernacle" ...



















(amazing what gold wrapping paper on an old washing machine box will do!)













Of course there were lots of relay races and games...











waterballoon tossing


















and of course - SNACKS!

(David and Deborah cutting up watermellon!)

One big watermellon was devoured immediately and the water drank up quickly. Thankfully it wasn't as hot as it has been.

I doubt I'll be able to post photos every day, but just wanted to get some up of the first day to ask you all to be in prayer and thank you all for remembering us so far. Thanks!

"I am 'Aedjae' Hear Me Roar!" :)

In the center of Bishkek there is this great park filled with statues. Most are of traditional Kyrgizi images, like this woman here.

I don't know if she would be considered "Aedjae" or not, she looks a little young. :)









Here in Kyrgizstan "mature" women are called by the Kyrgizi word "Aedjae" (ayd-jayeh, I think!).



Sometimes it's just "Aedjae" and sometimes it is added after the name, like "Cara Aedjae". :)






In Ukraine I felt like women were called "devushka" - the Russian word for young lady (older than girl, younger than woman) for as long as possible! I was regularly called "devushka" in Kyiv, even though I knew I was quite past the actual age intended for that title. [Grandmas are called Babushka, and those in between called "Teute" ('toy-teh'), or "Auntie".]





This is Melanie (Markey) Billings, (a lovely "devushka" and wife of our pastor Paul), with one of our Babushkas.





But here I am actually happy to be called Aedjae! The reason is that it means that I NEVER stand for very long on the busses or marshrutkas (mini-vans crammed full of people used for public transport here)! It's great! ha! :) Sometimes middle-aged men will actually tell young men -who haven't already stood for me - to get up and give "Aedjae" a seat! ha! After standing squished like a sardine on the marshruthkas in Kyiv it is pure heaven to be able to almost always sit here.














So...bring on the "Aedjae"! :) We finally got unlimited internet service up and running here (THANK YOU, ZHENIA!!!). The usual internet services here charge by the downloads and are very expensive, so this is a huge blessing and means I will be able to make some more updates on my summer here in Bishkek. Thank you all for your love, prayers, and support.

(The mountains just outside of Bishkek, taken last Spring).

On the Road Again...

...or in the air again, I should say. So, Turkish Airlines is my new favorite airlines. Comfortable seats, good food, nice staff, AND discount flights thru May! :) And you gotta love the airport in Istanbul...Starbucks...need I say more? :)

The flight was just the icing on the cake of another really wonderful trip to Kyrgizstan. This shot shows the snow peaked mountains of Kazahkstan (I believe, I was just waking up).

I was there for just under two weeks to help with a marriage conference lead by Steve and Susie Carr from CCAG, and I will tell more about that soon, but first just Bishkek.

It's a city of 1 million, but compared to Kyiv (at a couple million more!) it seems like a small town to me. Plus the people just seem to be more open and helpful to strangers. This girl and her brother proudly showed me what the rains had brought out.

They laughed when I asked if they were going to eat them! (But hey, in a country that drinks horse milk, I was sort of serious!) When asked what they woud do with them, it seemed like that was sort of the silliest thing to ask. I mean, what else do you do when you see that all these guys have been washed up by the rain, but gather them in a pile, of course! :) Silly me. I actually remember doing the same with earthworms in Oregon. How soon we forget. :)


This shot may not seem like a big deal, but I was just caught by the fact that on the side of this Soviet era style building this was the only balcony that was painted (all the others were that dull grey) and it just so happened, that it was also the only spot that had any foliage around it! The other bare branches hadn't started to bud out after winter when I was there and this one bright blue balcony had all these beautiful blossoms around it. Nice. Ok, maybe stretching here a little, but it just made me think of the true principal that when we take the littlest step towards God He comes running to meet us, arms open wide. But whether you see that or nice, it is pretty, huh? :)


And this was just great. I don't know why I like all this Soviet art so much, but all I could think of when I saw it was leopard swimsuits and the Caveman swim team. :) Some of you will get that immediately. :) (This building doesn't even have a pool inside. It is an apartment building. So I'm not sure why the pool motif. Maybe the swim team lived there during soviet times? Who knows).

More about the rest of my trip soon.

Something to make you smile!

I've kind of gotten a little crazy about this video. I already posted it on my facebook page and my roommates and I have watched it a million times (well, ok, maybe not a million...but a lot!). But it is just so stinking cute! It makes me smile everytime I see it! Now how often in your day can you get something like that, that easy? So here you go, something to make you all smile while we are waiting for winter to end! (And no, all you Californians, Floridians and others DON'T write and tell me how warm it is for you there! ha!) :)

Oh, by the way, this little girl is singing in Romanian, and I hear that she is somewhat of a star there. I've been told that the song is something about a boy named "Dito" or "Dita" and how he left. I guess she is going to him. :)

Stopping by Woods on a Snowy *Day...

I really do live in Kyiv. Really. But still, my friends tease me, asking "now what is the name of that village you live in, again"? :) But truly, it's officially the Darnitsky Region of Kyiv. But even so, we love our little "village" here.












With only a 10 minute marshrutka ride (although typically a quite squished one) to the metro, we are also only about a 10 minute walk to our woods.










(These girls are really out on a limb! ha! Sorry, couldn't resist!)



















How's this for "a table in the wilderness"?


After days of Dasha and I being stuck sick in bed with the flu, we both finally had no temperatures for a full day and so had to get out! (Seems the "migraines" I was having before, were migraines of a type, but were probably associated with me trying to fight off the flu the finally nailed me.)

(Hot coffee in a Starbuck's mug didn't hurt Dasha's recovery, either!)


Yeah, probably some might think that this is not the best idea the first day of feeling better, but believe me, it really made us all feel better!

We came home and ate the rest of the "deruni" (potato pancakes) that we had for breakfast with tea and had fun laughing at the photos we took. Good food, fresh air, and laughing the best medicine!

(Bummer, my photo edit program stuck so couldn't crop this shot of Katya and I better, oh well.)



(*with thanks and apologies to Robert Frost for the use and misuse of the title of his beloved poem in naming this post),

Weak vs. Strong

...or "What does a Christian look like?"....or "What is the goal of the church?"....or...???? (or fill in the blank after you read this and listen to the link..)

Lately I have been being hit by migraines (about 4 in the past month since I returned from the states where I usually only have 3 or 4 a year!) and other undetermined weaknesses. (Too bad I don't live in the Victorian Era when I could have just said "I have a case of the vapors", and no one would have been so indelicate as to ask exactly what my symptoms were. Not that I would be able to be too specific, just incredible headaches, hurts to look at the light, and exhuasted. So there ya go). :)

So maybe my latest round of "the vapors" is why these words by Alistair Begg really touched me.

"Have you considered the possibility that your personal weaknesses and the weaknesses of your congregation may be the very key to your usefullness in the hand of God?

I'm not talking about sin now, but I'm talking our falterings. I'm talking our personalities, our sense of weakness and poverty of spirit and so on. We're tempted all of the time to make out that we're different from what we really are because if we can present a good front then maybe people will be impresssed with that and drawn to the message but the fact of the matter is we want them to be drawn to Christ.

And nothing exalts and magnifies Christ more than the awareness that came to the Apostle Paul - (despite all that he had known of the dramatic revelations of God) - "My strength is made perfect in weakness. Therefore more gladly will I glory in my weakness that Christ's power will rest upon me for when I am weak then I am strong".

(You can hear the whole sermon in context by clicking here)

Or maybe this issue seems particularly timely to me right now because I have been talking to some friends about (to roughly summarize it) "what should the church look like"? Within our church there are differences of opinion, but thankfully, not a whole lot. I am glad that there is great unity in our church for the most part. But everyone thinking the same way is not necessarily unity, sometimes it is apathy, or laziness...or ?

So its good and natural that every once in awhile people come along that think things should be different. And more often than not, others agree with them. In my opinion, the differences come down to how important those changes are considered (in light of work, family, and other pressures bearing down on people) or how those changes should come about.

I remember talking to one young guy who wanted to be a pastor. I asked what his goal for the church he wanted to pastor was. His answer was a "healthy church", with which I agreed. "But what does that look like, exactly"? His answer, I think, speaks to exactly what Begg is talking about. "Smooth functioning".

Honestly, when I heard that answer I laughed. Not to be cruel, or because it was particularly funny, in the basic sense of the word, but I think the literary discription of my laughter would have been "ruefully". Wouldn't we all like any relationship, organization, etc. to be smooth functioning! :)

But what has God described the church as? And for that matter, the Christian? The church as a Bride (hence relationship) and Christians (among other things) as needing "to become as little children in order to enter into the kingdom of heaven". To this young guy with aspirations towards the pastorate, I pointed out that a young child (think toddler) that would sit in the corner, not cry or make noise, not pull anything of the table, or fill his diaper or spit up at in-opportune times would - by most accounts - be a "smooth functioning" baby. But probably not a very healthy one!

A bride who never cried when emotional, never leaned on her groom when doubting, never felt fear and called out for protection would, I suppose, be to some a "smooth functioning" bride. But not very real.

Now, like Begg, I'm not justifying sin, or even justifying running from "growing up" and staying immature. I have had my own battles with fear, anger, self-centeredness that lead to depression at times, etc. that have in the past (and still today, I'm sure!) more than tried the patience of my family and friends. Thankfully, these past three years God has been in the process of teaching me a little more "smooth functioning" regarding fear and anger after having pulled out the root some time ago. But ya know what? That's just the start! Ha! :)

Some Jehovah's Witnesses came over the other night and, because I didn't invite them in the last time they came by, I decided this time to offer them a cup of tea and an hour to talk. One reocurring theme was that of perfection in the flesh through good works. Sad! I told them that I was sure that up till the day I leave this planet - through death or Christ's return - I was sure I was going to still be coming before God asking Him to continue to make me more like Him...to help me to overcome one weakness or another. If not, what good was the blood of Christ to cleanse me if I could just do it myself? And my ongoing need for the refining, that cleansing, of the outward doesn't depress me, it brings me peace.

Because I know I am a work in progress! I know that in my weaknesses He is strong! Recently a friend asked me to come out to her village (sorry, but compared to Kyiv it is a village! ha!) to teach at her women's study. She said the girls still talked about what I had spoke on when I was there last. I had to laugh! When I was there last I forgot my notes, my translator had a little bit of an attitude, I was feeling very beaten down spiritually, and I shared a message that was far from being "fresh"...it was something God had put on my heart years before and I had already shared it many times.

But ya know what? God spoke. His Word does not return void. He is faithful. And only if you know me really well would you know that I really do try to be organized. I really DID write notes. I THOUGHT I put them in my Bible, but didn't...and so on and so on. I am kind of like Anne of Green Gables who, (also like me) is explaining how, although she talks too much she really IS trying not to when, explaining that, she says "If you only knew all the things I WANTED to say, but DON'T"! Well, me too! :) I can only imagine the mess I would be if Christ HADN'T saved me! ha! :)

So... anyway, most of you that read this already know this stuff. But it never hurts to hear it again, right? And maybe someone that is thinking about these things it will encourage them. I am not the expert blogger...oh well. If you want to read some really good blogs, check out Michelle Knisley's...Greg and Edna Silva's....Marianna Peipon's ...these people know how to blog..timely newsworthy info...photos....and just regular posts (not bi-yearly like me, ha)! Really, check out all the blogs on my blogroll...gotta update it soon, though, haven't gotten everyone's on there.

Anyway...these are my thoughts. God bless.

Hey! I just re-edited this and found some outright heresy in my first draft that I published here...anyone catch it? haha! It was a mistake, really! ha! Drop me a comment if you did. It would be funny to see who are the careful readers!

"That was then - This is now..."

So, I love sunsets. :) But even something as basic as a sunset can seem completely different depending on the context. Hmmm...I guess a lot like words, or people, or faith, or..?? Maybe everything? It's not that it IS different, just it "looks" different depending on the background it is set against.

Recently when I was in the states I visited dear friends in one of my favorite places...California's Central Coast. There was a bit of an unusual heat wave for early January (80F the day these pictures were taken) and I had an few hours by myself (also unusual!) .

I went to Avila Beach and and walked along the sand. As cliche as it may sound; I watched children playing, dogs running in the surf (missed my old Jake!), just simply listened to the waves, watched the gulls, and even had enough beach to myself that I was able to sing a bit to God. I hadn't done any of that in so long it was really sweet.

It reminded me of a conversation years ago that I will never forget. A friend about my same age, we were both single (and still are) and we had a couple of friends that had the means (work, family connections, etc.) to travel to Hawaii rather cheaply. I suggested we all go and rent a house on the beach! It seemed like a great idea to me, since I had never been to Hawaii and I love to swim!

My friend's response was that "I will go to Hawaii when I go on my honeymoon". Now don't get me wrong. That is totally her right to feel that way. And maybe she would answer something different now.

But I remember thinking... "I don't want to wait to live!"

I would love to go to Hawaii for my honeymoon (well, no, actually I think somewhere in Europe like Prague or Vienna would be better..but I digress) :) ...but until (or if?!?) I do not want to wait to "sieze the day"! (I'm not saying my friend did either. She is an amazing person who lives a very full life...maybe just Hawaii was something she wanted to save.)

Nonetheless, for me it was one of those "crossroads" moments where I felt like God was asking me to stop, look around at the "context" of my life at the moment and recognize the beauty of what I had, despite maybe some less than desirable (by my agenda) circumstances.

And so...what does all this rambling have to do with sunsets? Well, here is the sunset I see from my the balcony window outside my bedroom in Kyiv. :)

Amazing, huh? :) Some sort of scary big ugly, very Auschwitz looking factory smoke stack in the distance...the bane of my commuter existence - a grimy yellow "taxi van" or "marshrutka" is at the bus stop below...but to me it is beautiful! I love that in this city of millions God has given me a view devoid of skycrapers! I love the "dacha's" out my window.

God's Word says "from the rising of the sun, til the going down of the same, may the name of the LORD be praised!" Why? Because things are as I would like them to be? Rarely. But let Him be praised because He is worthy to be praised. :)

And when I choose to praise Him I see that so often the view around me, or rather my ability to truly see the beauty surrounding me is simply an indication from out of which window of perspective I am looking...through the eyes of God's perspective, or with my limited and limiting agenda of how things should or could be.

So, this is kind of funny, because I didn't start out to write all this. Just wanted to show you my sunset pictures. :) But ya never know how things will turn out, huh? :)